How could he leave

She sits there on the sidewalk

Her head falls in her hands

She’s trying to sort this whole thing out somehow

She’s struggling not to fall apart

There’s no use in that

But she’s wondering why he had to leave her now

With a baby inside sleeping

In the crib he helped her build

And the future laid before them,

She can see it sparkling still

If she closes her eyes

And pretends this isn’t real…

She takes a breath, gets to her feet

And walks back to the house

Where she’d thought they’d always live her fairy tale

But the empty space in the garage

Where he always parks his car

Grabs her stomach as reality assails her

With a baby inside sleeping

Now that thought fills her with tears

He left without a word

Life has brought the worst of her fears

How could it all be gone

They’d worked for all these years?

She opens the door, walks back inside,

Then shuts it without a sound.

On the counter there’s a single slip of paper.

She reads it again, the words are blurred

But in them the truth is found:

He’s gone, and he won’t be coming home later.

With a baby down the hallway,

And his picture on the wall

How could he just leave her

Without a final curtain call?

Her courage fails

As again she starts to bawl…

A couple hours later,

She walks slowly down the hall

She tries to clear her mind of everything that’s happened.

As she cracks open the door

And sees her little porcelain doll

Like an angel in her crib, carelessly napping.

As she watches her baby sleeping,

She drops down on her knees

Her heart is falling with her,

And she’s begging, “Father, please,

For my baby’s sake,

Wake me up from this bad dream…”

The days they drag, her shoulders sag

Her friends don’t know what to say.

The light in her eyes has been replaced by pools of tears.

But as she stays on her knees longer,

She’s comforted as she prays,

And with a smile, her burden slowly disappears.

As she sees her baby sleeping

In the crib he helped her build

And the future laid before her,

She can see it sparkling still

As she closes her eyes

And thanks the Lord for helping her feel

Alright as she steps out onto the curb

She’s gonna let him know what’s on her mind.

Not full of fright as she pulls the paper

From her pocket and reads the crumpled, taped up lines:

“There was no saving the man as his car went tumbling

Over the guard rail, hydroplaning in the pouring rain.

There was no evidence of speeding,

just a young man lying there bleeding

As the EMTs rushed up to ease his pain.

But he was gone; all that was left was his cold frame.”

She stands there on the sidewalk

And looks down at the ground

Where the new laid sod is covering her love.

She tells him, “We’ll get by,

And I know that you’ve found

A place for us in the mansions up above.

“The baby’s at home sleeping

In the crib you helped me build

With your mother babysitting,

So I could come here on this hill,

And tell you that I love you,

And that I’ll be loving you until…

Until the day when I get to see you again.

Until the day we get to see you again.

Copyright 2011. Jennifer Rollins.

The following was meant to be rapped

Someday this world is gonna all make sense,

But not in a way that will need recompense

The children will all have fathers and mothers

No one will ever take advantage of their brother

For money or power or the little girl next door.

Someday, when it all becomes right,

There will be no guns or bombs used to fight

No starvation caused by an enemy's hand.

When anybody learns about a problem

They'll be rushing over to help you solve it

There won't be slaves whipped and beaten across the land.

Your life will be more important than your money

We'll all be willing to share our milk and honey

With the people next door - nobody will stop us

No dictators or secret assassins there to drop us

Because they won't have to be made to understand.

You won't strike out in anger, he won't lash out with his tongue

She won't put you in danger, we'll all care for our young

And the young of the people across the world

Will know that we care with a love now unfurled

And not hidden behind policies and politics and "right now it can't be."

Then no one will talk about the starving children in China

Wishing they could help, but unable to decide on

How and feeling consigned to just feel sorrow and pity

For the people in the distant lands and cities

Where their hearts are always, but their money and food can't reach.

There will be no need for war, between countries or gangs

Because they'll try to understand the ways they find strange

And work out a solution based on what's better for the other

Rather than what we want or what we can stand

Or even what we feel we have a right to demand.

If I stop worrying about myself and spend my time for you

And you stop worrying about yourself, too,

Because you know I'll be there to take care of you.

Somehow we'll understand, somehow we'll make amends,

Somehow, someday, we will.

It's up to you to decide when. It's up to you to give in

To the feeling of love you know you want to give

Even when someone has marred you past repair

We all can use forgiveness, to end all of the terror.

It's only naive if the whole world won't try it,

Too bad people think they're too smart to buy it.

It's not impossible. Someday we will

Have the courage to say

That we'll try.

We can't do it alone - we don't know how

To end this pain and horror right now

But God does. He knows. So why

Can't we all to turn to Him? Ask him how to forgive?

Ask him to soften our hearts to love our slavers?

Ask Him to help them see the light of truth

The world shouldn't revolve around people owing favors

And who's stronger than who and do it or I'll kill you.

He's your brother and your friend

Deep down. If you can just help him rediscover that

He's a child of God, just like you, and you're not

Gonna escape that fact.

Even if you say in your heart they deserve it

Even if you say in your mind they're not worth it

Even if you focus on yourself and dismiss them

The world's become complicated, but that truth is not.

We all need cleansing, we all need love

We all need to rely in God above

Because who's to say what is right in this world?

Who's to say what is wrong or indecent for sure?

The maker of us all has it all,

If we turn to Him, He'll help us all

To dig ourselves out of this hole

To mend his heart and heal your soul.

If we're honest with ourselves,

We all want respect,

We all want love

Our anger comes from neglect

Or our feeling that we deserve more than we have.

But if we turn to His way, He'll love us day by day,

And we'll feel what we've wanted all along.

It's not as simple as in the movies - there are bad guys

But it's not that they couldn't change

If they'd let the Lord help them see the world through different eyes

Maybe it all would change.

But we must start with ourselves.

Yeah, we must start with ourselves.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

Copyright 2011. Jennifer Rollins. (Last quote by Mahatma Gandhi)

Someday

Someday
You're going to do the things you say you'll do
It's not that I don't think you're trying
Or that you're even close to lying
It's just I wish I could rely on you.

I love you
So much, and we're in this for the long run,
But you say that you'll do something
But it often gets forgotten
So then I end up wondering
If anything you promise will get done.

Your heart has good intentions
And I see them brightly shine
Which is why I try not to mention
What happens most of the time.
I just wish that all the tension
From this would fade away
But now that I've got your attention
Here's what I'm trying to say:

Someday
You're going to do the things you say you'll do
It's not that I don't think you're trying
Or that you're even close to lying
It's just I wish I could rely on you.

I'm not upset with how you are
You're more amazing then I dreamed of by far
You love me and you care for me
So I'll just leave this door ajar.
If you want to, someday, walk through it and become

Someone who does the things he says he'll do
And then you won't have to prove you're trying;
Always fulfilling the promises he made to you,
Then no one will think you're close to lying.
Someone I can depend on,
What he says will be the end of it,
Then I'll be able to rely on you.

Someday.

Weakness

Weakness.
A thing I'm so afraid to show the world.
A word that says "I'm struggling,
drowning, sinking, need your help"
Would never bring the desired comfort,
Friendship that I crave so much
But would bring the thing I most desire
To avoid:

Avoidance.
When you know that there are people
That could come and lift your misery
If only they cared for your company.
It's only their company that you need
That you want. That you wish
So much would take away this
feeling that you're all alone and
No one even cares.

Alone.
You sit there all alone and wonder
What you've done that has made you
feel like or maybe even become
An outcast amongst the world.
It's not like you're unkind or even
That people have never thought you
fun to be around. You just have
Somehow slipped from the view
or notice of those you held to be
Your friends.

Friendless
Is how you find yourself now
And you wish so much to tell someone
How you feel. To have them take
Away this feeling and let you know
It's all imaginary. But you can't
Tell them. Because then you would
Never know if they're response is
Out of pity or sincere desire to be
Your friend. So you cleave to your
Weakness.

And hope it all will go away.